A very merry un-Birthday to me

My birthday was a few days ago and I noticed that many people seemed to be very intent on wishing me the Best Day Ever, then later asking me how it had been. The day was just fine - I hung out with my family and had a low-key dinner at Mandarin - but it wasn't anything particularly special.

You see, my favourite kind of day cannot be specifically planned out. A lot of what makes a day special for me is coincidence: the right things happening at the right time. For example, I love having deep, insightful conversations with people (primarily, but not limited to, close friends). We talk about somewhat hidden facets of our personality, share secrets, and get to know each other at a more personal level. But, these types of conversations cannot be planned (though I have tried) - they must happen organically, when the time is right.

I am going to outline for you what a Perfect Day in the Life of Care would look like. To aid this process, I looked through my Happy Book (in essence, a daily gratitude journal) entries from Aug 30-Dec 22, 2009 [100 days].

Here's how my day would go:
- Hanging out with my cats and having some time to myself for personal reflection.
- Being productive or accomplishing something difficult (this could include organizing something, coming out to someone, finally replying to an e-mail, etc.)
- Taking a walk in the rain and/or unseasonably warm weather with a close friend and have a deep conversation with them. We would also do something fun, like going to a playground.
- Noticing the little things in life (which in those 100 days included driving through Atlanta, seeing wooden train models hanging in a tree near Belleville, encountering an elephant on Yonge St. on Hallowe'en, the beautiful Old Mill subway station, the perfect Scrabble board, a free temporary tattoo with a cow on it, etc. etc.)

For me, a birthday is just like any other day. If it happens to go amazingly well, that's great; otherwise, it's no big deal because there will be other, even more amazing, days.

"Is this water safe to drink?"

This past weekend I supervised a canoe tour of the Toronto Islands. (Yeah, I have an awesome job.) The sights were beautiful and the weather was fantastic, yet I found myself becoming increasingly frustrated as the trip progressed.

Upon arrival, the 45 of us had been divided into groups and seated in 3 giant war canoes. The tour guides told each person specifically where to sit and, because I am short/do not weigh very much, I was placed in the front of my canoe. This meant that I was the Official Pace Setter for my side of the canoe, just as the girl beside me was for her side.

The route was fairly short - canoeing from the Harbour to the Islands (a 15-min trip by ferry). I did not time how long it took us to paddle the distance, but it felt very, very long. Now, I have done a fair bit of canoeing, and the key thing to know is this: canoeing is all about teamwork. If everyone paddles at the same time, the canoe will move faster. If everyone paddles at different times (or..*cough*..not at all), it's a lose-lose situation: the canoe will not move nearly as fast AND each stroke will take more individual effort. Suffice it to say that the latter situation was what I experienced. People, if they were even paddling (i.e., taking a break from mugging for the camera), did not stroke in unison. Even my fellow Official Pace Setter and I were not paddling at the same time. [You can see in my photo how far behind the other canoes we were - but also how beautiful it was!]

Now, you should know that I am big on fairness ("James got to do xyz and I only got to do x!"), so it really bothers me when I feel people aren't pulling their weight, surtout in situations requiring teamwork.

I recognized that I was feeling annoyed at my fellow canoe-ers and realized that it was beginning to spoil what had the potential to be a great day. So then I had to make a decision: would I continue to stew about the slacking paddlers, then complain about them to my fellow monitors when it was over OR would I take the Zen Approach and not let myself be bothered by other people's actions?

It may seem obvious to you that the Zen Approach was infinitely more attractive, and it is indeed the one I chose. But it wasn't easy. Ranting about things is a very popular means of socialization, especially when you share common circumstances with people but don't necessarily know them very well (as is the case with the monitors & I). It's kind of fun to complain and gossip about Person X and Person Y. I find people are not as interested if you gush about how beautiful the weather was, how awesome the wildlife was, how fun the whole trip was - they only want to hear the juicy parts, consisting of horror stories about various "Little Shits." And I am the same way.

In essence, I chose to sacrifice an opportunity for prime socialization in favour of mental contentment. But it was the right decision to make. I was proud of myself for jokingly encouraging the guy behind me ("We need all the strong men to paddle!") instead of silently stewing and feeling bitter. I was able to properly enjoy the trip and avoid the, er, negative effects of negativity.

And besides, I may have not had any reason to be bitter: maybe they just didn't know how to paddle!

How to maintain a friendship

In keeping with this theme of friendship, I present 15 tips for maintaining friendships.

[* In this post, I am merely the messenger. I may not agree with all these tips, but the purpose of ths entry is to give you an idea of what the "experts" are saying.]

1. Be an equal contributor to the friendship. It's all about give-and-take. You must be willing to give to the relationship so that it grows, as well as being able to accept what your friend is contributing.
2. Learn to listen. Sometimes when people approach you with a problem, they don't want a solution, as hard as this may be to believe. They often have an idea of what is to be done, but talking through the problem may help them arrive at a more conclusive means of handling the situation.
3. Inspire and encourage your friend. It feels pretty great to have someone believe in you and encourage you to persevere when you feel like giving up. They encourage you to make responsible decisions and motivate you to be the best person you can be, just as you encourage and motivate them.
4. Be tactful when pointing out a friend's mistakes. Nobody's perfect, so be nice about it - they may not be aware of the mistake they made or they may have felt justified in what they did. Don't walk away from a friendship when you see some of your friend's faults; give them a chance.
5. Try not to be a clingy, needy, or controlling friend. A healthy friendship needs breathing room and a quality friendship will withstand the test of time and distance. There can certainly be too much of a good thing. Plus, obsessive behaviour is creepy.
6. Make sure you are reliable and can be counted on. When you say you are going to be there, be there.
7. Know when to agree to disagree. In every friendship there will be argument. It is these such differences of opinion that make each person in the friendship unique and interesting.
8. Be willing to forgive. Don't let hurt turn to bitterness. Forgive your friend and move on.
9. Learn to keep private information private. The ability to keep a secret is an excellent demonstration of trustworthiness.
10. Be there for the good times and the bad. Share and celebrate successes, milestones and accomplishments, but also offer a shoulder to cry on.
11. Have fun together. Shared experiences are da bomb.
12. Trust each other.
13. Keep in touch.
14. Don't try to change the other person. Learn to accept personality differences in your friends.
15. Know when to leave a friendship. Sometimes, two people just cannot be together. If the give/take balance is wonky or if your friend is a toxic bundle of negative energy, well, it may be time to take steps in another direction.

[These tips are an amalgamation of those found at eHow/WikiHow/Knowledgesutra.com]

Hiatus

So. I just started my new job today (the camp counsellor-esque one). Even though all we did today was hang out, watch Cavs vs. Celtics basketball, and eat pizza, I am exhausted (well, and I moved in today - just finished unpacking! ...But I still have to decorate.)

Training starts tomorrow, then the students arrive!

Now, I've been trying to post every 1-2 days here, and so far it's been successful-ish, but I don't anticipate being able to do it once work officially starts up. However, I will try my very best to post as frequently as possible.

...Like Knives

I got a call this evening from the company where one of my high schoool friends works, selling knife sets. The woman mentioned that my friend had told her a bit about me, and she wanted to know if I would be interested in interviewing for a position with them. It was rather out of the blue. I'm not planning on calling her back, though, because I already have a job!

It starts in 2 days. I'm nervous but also excited, mostly about meeting my coworkers and getting to know them. It's a camp counsellor-esque position, which means that my fellow monitors & I will be spending a lot of time together and teamwork is emphasized. My friend/future roommate Rebelle & I have talked about how both of us would like to make more friends, since neither of us made that many this past school year. Seems like this could be an excellent opportunity!

I've been doing some thinking about friendship, and how I don't really understand its intricacies. But what I have figured out is this: friends are like knives. While it is true that some of my friends are sharp-witted, I am not in fact referring to the stabbing, cutting, damaging abilities of knives (because I don't find those qualities particularly attractive in humans, thank you very much).

We could talk about how each knife is unique (bread knife, paring knife, carving knife), much like how we meet friends in a number of places and how each of our friends has a different personality from the rest. We could also talk about how the same knife set can work wonders for one master chef yet not be the right fit for another.

But, I feel the most important part of the analogy is this: a sharp knife gets things done. Knives that are properly cleaned, sharpened, and maintained are infinitely more effective than blunt, rusty ones. Similarly, friendships must be maintained. It's a bit more difficult to sharpen a friendship than it is to sharpen a knife, but it must be done. In the words of the wise Gordon Ramsay, "It is so dangerous working in the kitchen with a blunt knife." Now, it may not necessarily be dangerous to live life with poorly-maintained friendships, but it sure ain't good for your mental health and general well-being.

So welcome the kitchen of life, baby. What's cooking?

Mother's Day Redux

My mom, Gma, & I were supposed to check out the Harry Potter exhibit at the Science Centre today - Mom's choice - to celebrate Mother's Day. But then I woke up with a horrible cramp, feeling all light-headed and cold and nauseous dizzy. So instead of checking out Snape's potions together, my mom ended up being the one providing a remedy (i.e., TLC and water).

We didn't get to see Harry's glasses or the Elder Wand, but we did go out for pie at this awesome place in my 'hood. The pie itself was dece' (I'm not a huge pie person), the quiche was deeelish, and the atmosphere was fantastic. The decor is all cottage-y/rustic-y with chipped paint and board games abounding, which makes it extremely cozy and laid back. Awesome! We taught Gma how to play Crazy 8s, which was pretty entertaining ("Care, why do I have to pick up 2?"), and sampled each other's food. Then, after a quick grocery shop and gas stop, Mom & I watched New York I Love You, an episode of Gilmore Girls with James, Pretty Woman with Dad, and the season finale of the Amazing Race.

The day didn't differ much from how Mom & I usually spend time together (especially all the TV watching), but I did go out of my way to be agreeable and open, which she seemed to appreciate. I'm lucky that I have all these opportunities for one-on-one hanging out with my mom, because some of my friends with multiple siblings rarely get the chance to do this.

Typical Summer Saturday

Welcome to Sharing is Care-ing! As a way of getting to know me, I present you with an idea of how my Typical Summer Saturday pans out:

[Note: May 8 does not constitute summer-as-a-season in my books, especially when it's all gross and windy outside, but we're talking summer vacances here, as in done-school-until-September-slash-haven't-started-work-yet. So.]

- Woken up by Azzarina's plaintive meows outside my bedroom door. I let him in, he sleeps on my legs. Good times for all.

- Get hungry. Go downstairs craving French toast, only to discover the Big Weekend Grocery Trip hasn't happened yet, so we have no bread. Settle for fruit and cereal instead.

- Read my favourite sections of the newspaper: Weekend Living, Comics & Puzzles, Entertainment, and Insight. Get rather excited upon glimpsing an article entitled "Why everything you know about the sexual revolution is wrong," accompanied by a photo of 2 girls kissing. Am then disappointed when it turns out to be a guy & a girl and the article is about birth control, not sexuality.

- Continue to laze around in my pjs, doing activities that include petting Plumpkin, checking e-mail, eating, watching Azzarina sleep, and starting a blog. All extremely productive, obv (aside from the blog, which is legit productive, as I've been thinking of starting one since January-ish).

...Actually, today is not the Typical Saturday because my dad and James are away for the weekend, getting the shiz beaten out of them physically & mentally for their black belt grading. But still.

At any rate, it's another run-of-the-mill Lazy Saturday chez Care. On the menu for tonight: Thai food and renting a movie with Mom for part of our Mother's Day celebrations.