That Time I Went To See A Movie All By Myself

I went to see a movie tonight, solo, for the first time evah. It turned out to be no big deal. I sat in the back and laughed to myself at the funny parts and ate popcorn for dinner and headed home. In case you're wondering, the movie I saw was Barney's Version. It was pretty good, though nothing spectacular. It was a very spur-of-the-moment decision - really, I was looking to see something sad, and the description (a retrospective of Barney's life) sounded sad enough. (It wasn't, though. I barely teared up!)

I'd been at the local library (after forcing myself to get out of the apartment for a change of scenery), writing in my journal for a good two hours as I tried to figure out some things that have been bugging me in my life - mostly, my Future (summer / courses for next year / what to do after grad). Normally it helps to get everything down on paper, because it gives me perspective, but I think that, this evening, the writing was actually making it worse.

I just wanted to take a break from my life; to escape my mind. Hopping on a plane somewhere was appealing but wholly impractical, so I settled for a temporary vacation. I decided to either get rip-roaringly drunk or to go see a movie. I debated in my mind about whether I should text Rebelle to see if she would join me, because I assumed she would say no. I did end up texting her, and she did end up saying no (was tired & had a headache). I didn't know who else to ask, so I decided that I would just do it alone. Since I didn't feel like getting drunk all by myself (and also I'd left my ID at the apartment), I decided to see a movie. I checked the movie listings and saw that Barney's Version was starting in 6 minutes. Luckily, I was 4 minutes from the theatre so I speed-walked there, bought some popcorn for "dinner," and watched the movie.

I do feel better now, even though absolutely nothing has changed...except, I can again pretend that everything is fine. (Read: repress. If I learned one thing from Personality Psych, it's that I am a repressor.)

...I don't really know why I am posting this, because I had all these thoughtful, actually interesting topics I've been meaning to blog about for weeks...but, I've learned, when "inspiration" strikes, it's best to go with it. So here I am.

Born This Way?

I have "Born This Way" stuck in my head. Probably because I listened to it on repeat about 6 times today while I was...doing something online. I can't even remember what.

So here I was, heading to the shower, humming "Baby, I was born this waa-a-a-ay" when I paused to think, 'Was I born this way, though?'

People like to obsess about causation. A lot. And it totally makes sense - we want to understand the world we live in. I get that.

But, in this day and age, technology allows us to get increasingly closer to Answering Life's Great Questions, including - probably most relevantly, to me - is sexual orientation a choice? Or is it something you are born with?

Nothing's been proven. And really, I don't want it to be. I'm scared of what consequences the outcome would have.

I really just wish people would leave it alone. The fact of the matter is that queers do exist. Instead of spending resources in order to determine causation (read: assess blame), why not put them towards the improvement of these people's lives.

Personally, I'd prefer the outcome to be "nature" as opposed to "nurture" (because then people would not be blamed) BUT my horror about the idea that "stamping out the gay gene" could become a reality grossly outweighs my desire for a conclusive answer. 100,000%