Ignorance is Bliss

As I was pondering life in the shower (as I am wont to do), I realized that - despite the fact that I am nearing the onset of a Death Week - my productivity is tanking. Tanking. Yesterday was a very full day (events-wise and thoughts-wise) starting at 7:45am, and when I got home at 7ishPM all I wanted to do was make some dinner & watch TV. So I did - I made some awesome, suuuper easy guacamole and watched Parenthood online. And then I..what. I don't even know. Read archive posts from www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com. Messed about on the interwebs. Did everything except follow the Plan of Action I'd created for my Psych of Women paper that's due on Monday. Eventually I realized that I Was Procrastinating, that I didn't feel like working at all, and that I should just go to bed in the hopes of catching up on my work en route to school.

And then today I got home from volunteering at 8:30ish, had some dinner and dealt with yet another mini-crisis for my Nutty French Project. Did some group work over MSN while reading more Hyperbole and a Half. Read all the way to the first entry. Went looking on Facebook for more distractions, and came across a friend's Tumblr. She's in Geneva on exchange, so I read through all her entries and, yet again, regretted my Exchange Cop-out. Realized that it was after 11:00 and that I should be doing work because I'm already behind in my essay Plan of Action. Decided to shower, then start. But then I felt the urge to blog, so here I am. I gave myself 30min but pretty sure that's already passed. Whatever. I can go to bed as late as 2:30 tonight (wake up tomorrow at 10, leave at 10:45...get home close to midnight, probably. Urrgh.)

Anyway, while I was in the shower I tried to figure out why I was procrastinating. And concluded that it's because I'm scared. Scared of starting work on my paper and realizing that it's horrible and that I'll have SO MUCH more work to do than I'd previously anticipated. It's so much easier to just mess around, clicking on random Internet things, and blissfully not know that my essay is horrible.

I try to remind myself that these are manageable steps I've broken the essay process into, that it won't actually take that long, that I still have plenty of time to fix it if it's horrible. But then I click on a link and, the next time I glance at my laptop clock, an hour has passed and the essay has yet to be touched.

I think I'm also feeling a little disenchanted with school because I've been getting not-ideal grades on a bunch of things I've turned in feeling good about them - feeling like I definitely got the A. One of these things was an essay I started a week early, planned out beautifully, wrote gradually, got Laura to edit, edited again myself, and was proud of. And now that I've set out a similar process (gradual writing & revising) Monday's paper, I guess I am wondering what the point of all this preparation is if I'm not going to get a good grade on it anyway! It's frustrating!!

(I was about to go into a tangent/rant about everything about school I've been disenchanted with, but I simply don't have time for that.)

Well, I haven't resolved anything. My temporary solution is just to soldier on and deal with my apprehensions later. So here's what I'mma do: publish this post, close my computer, make myself some hot chocolate, put on another sweater, and settle into my little Study Nook. In other words, get 'er done! T-2hours until bedtime.

P.S. In case you're wondering about the photo, I don't yet have any taken of my Study Nook [though you can see my purple desk lamp peeking over the headboard] so I posted one of my bed [or, actually, nearly my entire room], where I am currently perched (on the right side, leaning against the blue pillow). Obv it is not light out anymore.

(Edit: I just added a photo of one of the quotes from my Inspirational Board - it says "It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of dodging your responsibilities" - Sir Josiah Stamp.